Parshat Chayei Sara - Rivka: Demeanor and Decorum

In this week's Parsha, the Torah tells us of the matching and marriage between Yitzchak and Rivka. The Torah explains at great lengths the journey which Eliezer (the servant of Avraham) took to find a wife for Yitzchak, and the miracles that were done for him. After Eliezer is successful in finding the fitting bride for his master, he brings Rivka to the Negev where Yitzchak is staying in order for them to meet.

This meeting is a tremendous moment in our history; it is a major step towards the culmination of HaShem's promise to Avraham to make his offspring a great nation. The Torah tells us in great detail of this momentous occasion: "And Rivka raised her eyes and she saw Yitzchak, and she inclined while upon the camel. And she said to the slave, 'Who is that man walking in the field toward us?' And the slave said, 'He is my master.' She then took the veil and she covered herself"

Interestingly, the Torah goes out of its way to tell us that Rivka took her veil and covered herself. Why? What purpose does this little detail serve? We know that there is not one extra word in the Torah without a lesson, thus what is HaShem trying to tell us?

Perhaps we can glean an insight into the true understanding of what "closeness" is and what it demands of us.

Naturally when people become closer, the standards of decorum become lowered. Society tells us, the more relaxed and candid, the more intimate the relationship. Our speech can be blunter, more straightforward, focusing less on speaking sensitively and more on the material. Our demeanor can be more informal and unkempt. The general assumption is that with our loved ones we can act in ways that one could never get-away-with in any formal social setting.

However, the Torah perspective is different, the closer one gets, the higher the demand for etiquette and respect. For the closer we are to someone, the more we are dependent on them, and they on us. It's possible that for this reason in order to directly forestall our natural tendency the Torah commands us to respect our parents. We cannot correct them, contradict them, call them by their first name without an honorary title, or even sit in their designated seat. This applies to our Rebbeim as well, for the laws of respect and the closeness of that relationship are intrinsic. The Torah takes into account this personal relationship, and despite the familiarity, we are commanded to follow a strict decorum.

At this most special moment of seeing her husband, the man with whom she would build the future of our people, play a part in the fulfilling of G-d's promise, giving purpose to creation - in recognition of this - Rivka covered herself. This momentous occasion would be spoiled with a lowering of decorum, so rather Rivka honored it with the raising of standards.

This is the lesson from Rivka: that to ignore one's manners is not a sign of closeness, rather it is a cheapening of that relationship. For closeness is not defined in how many secrets one knows about the other, or how relaxed one can feel in another's presence. Rather it is about honoring the other person and the special role that they play in our lives. And such a special role must be treated with the level of respect which it deserves.

Mutual respect and the etiquette which it demands are important foundations of a peaceful Jewish home, and by inculcating this lesson of respect and etiquette we can build homes of love and honor. The fact that the Torah adds a seemingly superfluous detail allows us to see how our predecessors viewed their loved ones and the degree of respect they accorded them, and to learn to follow in their ways.

May we all grow in the perfection of our behavior and service to HaShem.

 Shabbat Shalom 

Parshat Lech Lecha - The Character of Avraham

In this week's Parsha the Torah introduces us to the personality of Avraham our forefather. And in the introduction to this weeks Parsha we are told about the test that G-d charged to Avraham Avinu. The Torah tells us G-d said to Avraham: “Go for yourself from your land, from your relatives, and from your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation; I will bless you, and I will make your name great and you shall be a blessing”.

This charge of "Go for yourself" was a test that G-d put forth to Avraham. But according to many commentators this was not the first test that Avraham was charged with. Rather, we find that the first test Avraham encountered was the test in Ur Kasdim where he was faced with either betraying his faith or death. Avraham choice was to sacrifice his life and jump into the fire. Yet, we do no't find this test mentioned anywhere in the Torah itself, rather it is alluded to "And He said to him: I am the L-rd who took you out from Ur Kasdim..." Rashi points out that the name Ur Kasdim alludes to the miraculous salvation of Avram when thrown into a fiery pit for refusal to pay homage to the prevailing idols of his society. The question is why? Why is the test of “Lech Lecha” chosen as the introduction of the character of Avraham, rather than the first test of sacrificing his life for his faith, of which we only know about from the Rabbinic sources.

We find regarding Bilaam; the gentile prophet, that he prayed and requested from G-d that “Let me die the death of the righteous” The commentators explain that Bilaam was referring to the death of our forefathers Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov, that he should be meritorious to receive a share in the world to come. The Chofetz Chaim is quoted saying that Bilaam's only desire the death of the righteous, but not the life of one. For there is no challenge to die Al Kiddush Hashem, in the glorification of G-d's name, rather the challenge is to live life in the glorification of G-d's name. This life Bilaam did not want to do, he did not want to live a life that was a glorification of G-d, rather he wanted the easy way out, of dying the death of a glorification of G-d, reaping all the benefits of a Godly life without the effort it entails.

This does not, G-d forbid, mean to belittle the death of someone who dies in the sanctification of G-d, for as we know, those who have died in His sanctification reside in the highest realms of Heaven. Rather, this means to say that Judaism places a higher value on living a life of 80, 90 and hopefully 120 years which consists of a daily process of growth. For life is inherently fraught with highs and lows, of moments of clarity and of darkness, moments of challenges to our faith and our fealty to His laws. And when we overcome and grow through those difficulties and reach out to become more G-dly we are playing an active role of raising the material world to the level of the divine. That is a much more difficult proposition.

Perhaps with this we can now approach our question. The true introduction that the Torah wants us to have, that will set forth the true understanding of the essence of who Avraham was and lived for, can only be viewed through the prism of the test of “Lech Lecha”. The test of Lech Lecha that Avraham was faced was the test of making a decision that would alter his life and his future forever. Avraham was faced with taking on a new identity, of leaving his familiar surroundings, his land and his father's household. He was charged with the challenge of wading out alone in a world that so heavily valued tribal clans and the patriarchal system. He was faced with making a decision, and coping with the real life ramifications that his decision created. The true test of Avraham Avinu was having the strength to choose a life that would require tremendous adjustments, and to live it to its fullest despite, and even through the pain and difficulty that it would produce.

This is the greatness of Avraham Avinu, and this is the message that Torah wants us to inculcate as we learn about our Forefathers. Jumping into the fires in defense of his belief in G-d was an amazing act. But if we first told of this event we could walk away without learning the true greatness of Avraham Avinu, that he chose a life despite its difficulties. For the irony is, that when one dies Al Kiddush HaShem, they don't have to “live” with the consequences of that decision.

This message would also set forth for us what is the essence of our people and the desire of our G-d. This desire for a Divine life is what separates us from the evil blood thirsty terrorists; who claim to be the spiritual heirs of Avraham, for death is not what we live for or desire. We live for a life is on a higher plane. To have lives that make a difference in the world, and have an effect that speaks volumes, a pitch higher than any death can reach.

Life is fleeting, but we can rise above those limitations when we live a divinely inspired life, for that connects us to the infinite, it makes life into something which is beyond time and beyond space.

May we all live truly divinely inspired lives despite the tremendous darkness that has been cast upon us, and may we merit to see the Divine Presence and protection upon our people soon in our days. Amen.

Shabbat Shalom