In
this week's Parsha, the Torah tells us of the matching and marriage
between Yitzchak and Rivka. The Torah explains at great lengths the
journey which Eliezer (the servant of Avraham) took to find a wife
for Yitzchak, and the miracles that were done for him. After Eliezer
is successful in finding the fitting bride for his master, he brings
Rivka to the Negev where Yitzchak is staying in order for them to
meet.
This
meeting is a tremendous moment in our history; it is a major step
towards the culmination of HaShem's promise to Avraham to make his
offspring a great nation. The Torah tells us in great detail of this
momentous occasion: "And Rivka raised her eyes and she saw
Yitzchak, and she inclined while upon the camel. And she said to the
slave, 'Who is that man walking in the field toward us?' And the
slave said, 'He is my master.' She then took the veil and she covered
herself"
Interestingly,
the Torah goes out of its way to tell us that Rivka took her veil and
covered herself. Why? What purpose does this little detail serve? We
know that there is not one extra word in the Torah without a lesson,
thus what is HaShem trying to tell us?
Perhaps
we can glean an insight into the true understanding of what
"closeness" is and what it demands of us.
Naturally
when people become closer, the standards of decorum become lowered.
Society tells us, the more relaxed and candid, the more intimate the
relationship. Our speech can be blunter, more straightforward,
focusing less on speaking sensitively and more on the material. Our
demeanor can be more informal and unkempt. The general assumption is
that with our loved ones we can act in ways that one could never
get-away-with in any formal social setting.
However,
the Torah perspective is different, the closer one gets, the higher
the demand for etiquette and respect. For the closer we are to
someone, the more we are dependent on them, and they on us. It's
possible that for this reason in order to directly forestall our
natural tendency the Torah commands us to respect our parents. We
cannot correct them, contradict them, call them by their first name
without an honorary title, or even sit in their designated seat. This
applies to our Rebbeim as well, for the laws of respect and the
closeness of that relationship are intrinsic. The Torah takes into
account this personal relationship, and despite the familiarity, we
are commanded to follow a strict decorum.
At
this most special moment of seeing her husband, the man with whom she
would build the future of our people, play a part in the fulfilling
of G-d's promise, giving purpose to creation - in recognition of this
- Rivka covered herself. This momentous occasion would be spoiled
with a lowering of decorum, so rather Rivka honored it with the
raising of standards.
This
is the lesson from Rivka: that to ignore one's manners is not a sign
of closeness, rather it is a cheapening of that relationship. For
closeness is not defined in how many secrets one knows about the
other, or how relaxed one can feel in another's presence. Rather it
is about honoring the other person and the special role that they
play in our lives. And such a special role must be treated with the
level of respect which it deserves.
Mutual
respect and the etiquette which it demands are important foundations
of a peaceful Jewish home, and by inculcating this lesson of respect
and etiquette we can build homes of love and honor. The fact that the
Torah adds a seemingly superfluous detail allows us to see how our
predecessors viewed their loved ones and the degree of respect they
accorded them, and to learn to follow in their ways.
May
we all grow in the perfection of our behavior and service to HaShem.
Shabbat
Shalom
