In this week’s Parsha, the באר מרים (the well which accompanied the Children of Israel in the wilderness in the merit of Miriam) ceases after Miriam’s death, leaving Klal Yisrael complaining of thirst. In response to this, Hashem commands Moshe and Aharon: “Take the staff and gather together the Assembly, you and Aharon your brother. And you shall speak to the rock before their eyes, and it shall give its waters” (Bamidbar 20:7-8). Then, “Moshe raised his arm and struck the rock with his staff twice” (ibid 20:11).
Hashem is angered that Moshe hits the rock instead of following His specific instruction to speak to it. “Hashem said to Moshe and Aharon: Because you did not believe in Me to sanctify Me in the eyes of the Children of Israel, therefore you will not bring this congregation to the land which I have given them” (ibid 20:12). Rashi on this verse says that Hashem is saying that “had you spoken to the rock, and it would have brought forth water, I would have been sanctified before the eyes of the Assembly, and they would have said ‘Just as this rock, which neither speaks nor hears and does not need sustenance nevertheless fulfills the will of Hashem, how much more so should we fulfill His word.’” (Rashi, ibid).
Because Moshe did not speak to the rock, he was punished with not being able to enter into the Land.
At first glance, this seems difficult to understand. Even when Moshe hits the rock, the rock still brings forth water. Given that the Children of Israel did not know that Hashem commanded Moshe to speak to the rock, surely, whether Moshe hits the rock or speaks to it, they will see that the rock produces water. Therefore, wouldn't they deduce that if a rock (an entity that does not speak, and naturally does not produce water) obeys Hashem, how much more so should humans obey Him? What is the special significance of speaking to the rock instead of hitting? Don't they accomplish the same desired goal?
I believe that herein lies an indispensable lesson for educators and parents. Many parenting and educational books have been written with a focus on one specific aspect: how to get your student/child to do what you want them to do, i.e. to be obedient. Some experts are insistent that the adult/teacher maintain an authoritative stance, never go down to the child’s eye level, speak in a commanding tone such as “go get that, go do this”; some are more extreme that one should be slightly cold and a bit removed. This is colloquially known as the “old school” method. There is also the “new age” or progressive method. This approach, beginning in the 19th century, placed an emphasis on the student’s feelings and emotions. It would eventually spur the “self-esteem movement” of the 1970’s where every interaction was evaluated by how much it would increase the child's self-image. This method encouraged parents and teachers to become less like authority figures and develop more of a friend-like relationship with the child/student, in the hope that through friendship, the pupil will want to listen to authority. Proponents of these methods can marshal copious amounts of research and evidence that point to the efficacy of their approach.
But what can we learn from the Torah in this area? We see from this episode with Moshe that, from the standpoint of authority, it’s not about getting the student to do follow your instructions, it's about how we get them to do it.
As mentioned previously, the desired result of Moshe speaking to the rock was that the people would deduce from the rock bringing forth water, that they too should obey the word of G-d. And while it's true that the people would have also learned a similar lesson now that Moshe hit the rock, this clearly is not Hashem’s desired method in this case. G-d wanted us to learn this lesson specifically through: the power of speech. For by witnessing obedience which stems from the hitting of the rock, we only see that we are to be obedient under the threat of force. And while there is clearly a time and place for when force is integral for obedience*, we see in this instance that Hashem does not always want this to be our mode of service. He does not want automated robots or fearful slaves; rather He wants our obedience to come from being good listeners. People who can hear a command and by their own decision come to obey it.
We can take this lesson one step further. By seeing the rock obey in response to Moshe speaking to it, the nation would deduce that they too must listen to G-d’s instruction. In contrast, When Moshe hit the rock, he was giving the visual impression that he was literally forcing the rock to give water – a very obvious and overt lesson that one must obey his master, no matter what. In this case, there is no deductive reasoning being used by the student. In the case of speaking, the nation actively, through their own logic, can come to the truth themselves. Arriving at conclusions independently accomplishes the goal of fashioning the mind of the student to think critically. By the student going through that thought process, filtering the facts through himself, the mind of the pupil is expanded and more perfected, something which will serve him in good stead for the rest of his life. This is perhaps what G-d wants for us – to become more thoughtful servants.
This is a lesson which we can hopefully apply both in our own Service of G-d and in how we teach others to serve as well.
Shabbat Shalom
*The Torah itself was given under threat: שם תהא קבורתכם (Shabbat 88a)
