Yom Kippur 5778 - Under Scrutiny

Parsha Paragraphs

Rabbi Naftali Kassorla

Yom Kippur 5778 - תשע״ח

Under Scrutiny

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ר׳ אלחנן יעקב ז״ל בן מורי וחמי ר׳ שמואל פנחס

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There is a famous and powerful Gemara in Rosh Hashana (17a):

כל המעביר על מידותיו מעבירין לו על כל פשעיו

One who overlooks wrong done to them, G-d overlooks their transgressions

Rashi explains what it means to be מעביר על מידותיו:

שאינו מדקדק למדוד מדה למצערים אותו ומניח מדותיו והולך לו כמו אין מעבירין על המצות אין מעבירין על האוכלין מניחן והולך לו

[He] Who is not meticulous in scrutinizing those who cause pain to him.

The Gemara tells us that when we act with this non-critical eye towards those that are causing us pain, G-d too will pass over our sins.

However, we find in the Gemara (Bava Kama 50a):

אמר ר' חנינא כל האומר הקב"ה ותרן הוא יותרו חייו

Anyone who says that G-d is a וותרן on transgressions, his life should be relinquished
(ie. He should die)

When a person is מעביר על מידותיו and G-d acts in kind, isn’t this an aspect of וותרנות? And if so, how can we say that G-d is not a וותרן while at the same time, He is מעביר על מידותיו for one who acts in this way? How can we better understand these two statements of Chazal?

It’s interesting to note that the Gemara uses the word המעביר, from the lashon עובר (pass over). As Rashi points out (in connection to the concept of מעבירין על המצות above), this person is מניחים והולך לו – he “passes over” it, he “leaves” it. This language connotes that while something (i.e. the wrongdoing) is still present, it is being overlooked by the person.

With this understanding in mind, I believe that Chazal is communicating an important principle for us. The true strength of someone who is מעביר is not one who acts as if the עוולה (the offense) didn’t happen, or that he lets others step all over him without even taking notice. Rather it is someone who recognizes the wrong committed against him and yet chooses to look past it. The ability to look over the injustice takes a tremendous amount of fortitude – to notice and to feel, and yet to move on.

This is why it is abhorrent to say that G-d is מוותר, as וותרנות means that the wrongdoing ceases to exist without consequence. G-d is just, and though He acts with patience for the sinner, He surely notices the sin and will mete out the necessary judgment. Therefore one is not allowed to say that G-d completely disregards the offense. And yet, at the same time, He is מעבירין לו על כל פשעיו – G-d will overlook our bad behavior and act with us in a way of mercy and love despite the fact that we have sinned.

This is appropo for Yom Kippur, because on this day, we bow our heads in penitence and beseech His unending mercy. We entreat G-d to look upon us kindly even in light of our past infractions. And we ask that He will act with us מידה כנגד מידה – when we actively choose to look past  injustices done to us, we hope that G-d will do the same regarding the sins we have committed.

Western culture and modern psychology value assertiveness, constantly telling us that “nice guys finish last” and not to be “walked all over.” And while someone should not be too meek in a situation that calls for bold behavior, the Torah teaches a higher virtue – to maintain our dignity, to act like a mentch despite the wrong being done to us. Not by denying the reality, but rather by acting from a place of strength.

There is an idea within Novardok mussar called הטבה במקום הקפדה  (loosely translated as “kindness in place of sternness.”) That even though one has a valid, legitimate reason to act with sternness towards someone who wronged him, it was taught to instead – against one’s nature – do acts of kindness to that very person. All with the intention of uprooting the feelings of bitterness from the heart. The idea being, that although this person wronged us, we shouldn’t let that fact rob us of our agency ie. our own ability to make independent decisions and act, instead of react. To make the conscious choice to rise above our surroundings and not to feel forced or influenced towards a particular response.

Thus, when one chooses to be מעביר על מידותיו, he is showing G-d that he is taking a proactive role in his life; he is deciding not to be swept up by his יצר הרע or his base instincts. He demonstrates that he is willing to start anew, to make decisions from a place of strength and courage rather than from thoughtless reaction. When G-d sees this, it is no surprise that G-d acts with him in kind.

G-d is not controlled or limited by our behavior. He can and does make choices independent of anyone or anything else. While western culture may teach us that overlooking misdeeds is a point of weakness, it is truly of a powerful, G-dly status.

As we approach Yom Kippur, the day we are like angels before G-d, may we all be able to rise above our natural tendencies to a level that is heavenly and supreme.

Shabbat Shalom and G’mar V’Chatima Tova